well nearly finished with my French course.. And to be honest, I am actually pretty sad that it is over!  The first week was not so much fun, mainly because I was literally “back at school.”  And it was weird having someone tell you not to be late and to do homework etc. But now I actually can see some improvements and am a little disappointed that I wont be able to continue for another 2 months like the rest of my classmates.  My German friend and I are the only two people at the institute that are doing a 1 month course..
I am looking forward to  going to Holland tomorrow!! And just like two years ago, when I just returned from Sydney, I will be celebrating Queensday!! Not with L, but this time with B and J and Y!!  While Y’s leg is still in a brace and he can not really walk he seems determined to come to Amsterdam with us, will let you know how that goes!

Living in the house has been a bit crazy! At the moment there are 6 people staying here, besides me and the three people that actually pay rent, B and J are here too.  I think they are both awesome so it is not that I dont like them it just that there are ALWAYS  people around.. I am spending more and more time in my room these days.. Luckily B, especially, knows what I am like so they do not (seem) to take offense.

Things with Y are still good, well as long as I keep the crazy in check! This is getting harder and harder the closer my leaving date approaches.. I feel so out of control and the thought of not seeing him “live” for 5 months is killing me.  I just hope that once I am in Sydney things will be easier since I will be with friends and I will have a job and more fun things to distract me.  Even this morning: I was saying goodbye to Y since he, B and J were driving to Lille today and then on to the Farm on Friday, to spend the weekend there.  I basically wont be seeing him for one day and while riding to class I was all upset (not crying, but sad that I would not be seeing him).  I hope this mainly because I am not a big fan of Tours because if being apart for one day has this effect on me I have no idea what will happen when we are apart for months at a time..

In totally different news, I once again managed to break something valuable.. my iPhone, I mean seriously.. WTF??  Hopefully once the glass is replaced everything will work again.. but for now I am using an old phone of Y’s and it is hard to get used to a totally different operating system. It takes me 1 hr to write a txt message..

The nicest

thing someone has ever said to me: ” All I want is for  you to be happy and while I would love for you to stay here  with me I know in the long-run it wont be good for you.”    Last night was definitely not one of my finest hours but hearing Y say that made my heart melt.

I tried to pick a fight last night, at the time when Y came to bed (after him falling asleep on the couch) at 1.30 AM I got the shits and was pissed off about him smoking pot. I knew at the time that it was ridiculous, but I felt really angry and when I finally told him why I was upset I knew it did not really make sense but I kept at it anyway.  Then I got even more angry that he was not really responding and only asking me why I was trying to pick a fight. That is when we finally talked about me leaving and what was going to happen.  It was all pretty emotional, but it felt good to hear him say that of course we would make it work and why he was avoiding discussing it.  The not so good thing , was that we were talking and crying until 3.30 in the freaking morning  and we both had to get up early oh and of course that instead of me just asking him I thought it would be better to fight (yep definitely CRAZY).

And all that insaneness on the day that we were celebrating our “Anniversary”

And things

have once again returned to relative normality… Y is back from the Hospital and while he can not do much it is really nice to have him back!  And it is soooo much better to not have to go to the freaking hospital anymore.  I only had one more massive crying episode on the weekend and I think I have figured out why I was so sad, besides being tired.  I realise that it has been about 3 months with me being without a real job.  My identity is for a big part based on me being a scientist and I am most happy when I am in a lab working, so having this massive part of “me”  being put on hold definitely affects me. It may sound a bit crazy but I love science and despite all the bullshit of my past lab I did truly enjoy the science part of it.  Not too long to go anymore, just 4 more weeks! And this too makes me sad because it means only having 4 more weeks with Y.

I am sometimes still shocked at how things between us just happened and even more at how fantastic it is.  And I know it has only been a few months, but (and I mean that it in a very good way) it seems that we have known each other for years.  I always believed that when you know, you just know. And with my previous relationships I always knew rather immediately that it was not going to be a “forever” thing despite me keeping it going for way too long.

In totally different news, my French course, It has now been going for a week and today was the first day that I actually really enjoyed (maybe because I finally understood what was going on?) No, it really is not that bad I can understand most of it and speaking it is getting way better. The people in my class dont all speak (much) English so French is the common language and that is a good thing! The hard part is still speaking it in front of people I know, like Y.. No idea why but I get really really self-conscience and just stop talking completely. With strangers or relative strangers  I do not have this problem at all…Hopefully by the end of the 4 weeks all will be well and I will be able to hold a conversation in French with Y!




Having a

significant other in the hospital really SUCKS.  It has been a while since I have posted anything and quite a few things have happened.  In reverse chronological order. Y is in the hospital, hopefully only until tomorrow.  He had surgery on his knee monday morning.  So I have been spending my days visiting him and it has been really tough. I know I might sound awfully selfish, but having to go to the hospital every  day is really hard.  Like most people, I dont particularly enjoy having to go to a hospital, so while I love seeing Y, having to stay in a stinky hot room surrounded by sick people is really not my cup of tea.  The past few days have been particularly weird since I seem to burst into tears every 3 min. No real idea why though.. It might be because I got my visa approved and I will be going to Sydney on the 10th of May.  Obviously this has been coming for a long time and when I actually got the email from the immigration, I was pretty OK… (That was probably because I had had the most shitty evening, but will explain that later).   Y and I don’t really discuss it much and I think we need to, although I am not quite sure what can be said..

I also started my French course, which is  OK so far, and I seem to be able to follow most of what is being said. Met some really lovely people and some not so lovely, well one in particular but he is very young and from the US of A so I  just need to forgive him.  The other students are either Asian or Arabic. The teachers are all really nice and some even quite funny.

I am just so unbelievably tired it is not even funny, despite me complaining about Y’s snoring, not having him in the bed is more disturbing.. (GOD I sound like such baby!!)  It is really not all that bad, but when I am tired everything just seems too much, even having to write a freaking blog entry..