It’s a DUCK

or something like that anyway…
Went to get a scan yesterday.. it was a bit of hassle since all the places I called needed a reference from a GP.. So I went to the doc a different one, and told her that I was a little worried, which was not a complete lie…

 Unlike some of my friends, I have hardly any symptoms.. I am tired and have sore boobs (not always) and that is about it occasionally I feel a little sick but that might even be psychosomatic…..

On Friday I went to the ultrasound place to get a form to do a blood test. When I was there the stupid receptionist  (I say stupid since she was a total cow, when I asked if it was possible to book in for a scan, so Y could see the baby.. she said it was not possible since they did not want to DISTURB the baby for no reason. It is an ULTRASOUND sheez!!) gave  me the report from the 5 week scan and there it said that they could only see the sac and not the fetal pole and thus that another scan was recommended to ensure that the pregnancy was viable.. and that FREAKED me out and made me think that maybe I was not preggo or that is was a fake pregnancy.

Anyway the doc gave me a referral and Y and I went for a scan!! I was pretty nervous but then there it was.. Bubbles.. seeing the heart beat was so cool. I must admit it freaked me out too, and that only got worse when the sonographer suddenly said that my due date was the 19th of January..We walked out and I was in total shock, it was like finding out I was pregant.. Y could not really understand why I was freaking out.. and I could not really explain and I acted like a total BITCH.   We had to wait 2 hrs until we could pick up the results.. and they were not the nicest two hours we spent together.. I was tired and pissed off and scared and taking it out on Y.   I did not realise how freaked out I was until last night when I was lying in bed, trying to figure out why I had this sudden detached feeling ( I have been talking to Bubbles for ages now, but yesterday I did not feel as excited as I expected I would).  I realised then, that it was because although this pregnancy has been real and I have been aware of it for a long time.. seeing this tiny baby with its heart beat made it REAL!!! and it made me think once again HOW the Fuck are we going to do this.   I feel better now, not sure why.. maybe the sleep or the fact that I had my first morning spew (like Bubbles was making it clear that he/she is here to stay)…

Looking forward to tomorrow when Y and I are going to the mountains for 2 nights and I will hopefully be able to keep down breakfast!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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In case

you missed it, because all I can crap on about is being pregnant, I do actually still work…  I have been learning electrophysiology and I am not quite sure why I ever thought it would be fun… Frustrating and depressing yes BUT definitely not fun..  the goal is to record electric currents from a cell.. and while on paper it all is pretty simple and in real life it is simple.. it takes a crazy amount of time to get it all to work. Electrodes fail, cells die, no receptors are expressed etc.. I spent 8 hrs today trying to record something and got NOTHING!   Tomorrow is another day and am hoping it will be better… It has definitely thought me that I am not an electrophysiologist, I just do not have the patience to wait for hours until something finally works or not.

I am hoping that in 2 weeks I will be too busy with behaviour and immunohistochemistry and so I wont have to do any recording anymore.

In not work related news, Y will be here tomorrow!! I am so excited.. just keeping fingers crossed that the volcanic ash clears all the way up!

 

 

Spoke too

early… the silence, and relative calmness was quite brutally disturbed on Friday when I finally spoke to Y.  Seems that his whole awesome attitude towards this pregnancy was more because he did not really realise what was happening.  When I just panicked for the first 2 weeks and he was all being calm and supportive it was more because it had not yet hit him.

On friday he told me that he really did not know how we were going to this.. I was pretty calm, but told him that I was not terminating the pregnancy and that he should let me know whether he was in or out.  Then of course the calmness went and I was freaking out but, it was the most clarifying thing that happened for me.  I knew that I was going to do this with or without him.  I also made it very clear that we would obviously be done. We talked some more and he seemed to calm down a bit. I have no concrete answer, I just know that if we are both willing to make it work it will.

He is  stressing out about his PhD which I understand to a degree.  My perspective on the other hand has changed completely, I love Science and I always will, but to me it is suddenly just a job.. I am pretty sure that once he meets Bubbles his perspective will change too.

After a really bad night we spoke again Saturday morning, this time it was much better. I understand where he is coming from and the sudden panic that hits in the middle of the night.  We agreed (once again) to wait until he is here before trying to make any major decisions and even then it is quite impossible since we have no idea what exactly is going to happen when Bubbles finally arrives.

The past week has been pretty uneventful in terms of pregnancy complaints, I feel fine (just extremely tired) and that gets worse near the end of the week. Instead of morning sickness I have evening sickness, the smell of food at home totally gets to me, crackers and cheese on the other hand are my favourite.  I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I am going to die of hunger, but the almonds next to my bed seem to do the trick!   And that is about it.  I will have another GP appointment in 2 weeks time and then the 12 week scan followed by an appointment at the hospital.

I am hoping that the GP will use the doppler to listen to the heartbeat, although I am not sure if that is possible when I am only 9 weeks along.. will wait and see!

 

 

 

And then there

was silence.  After the first initial shock and stresses things have started to calm down, I do still freak out on a regular basis.  WHY am I suddenly not tired.. I think I can feel cramping… still no nausea.. BUT other than that it is back to relative normality… Work is good, friends are great and in just 2 weeks Y will be here.

Making the decision to not stress about our plans has been really great.  Now we can just enjoy catching up and laughing instead of being in tears. Of course it is still in the back of my mind but I am really not too worried.  I think that Y, really is though. He does not really say much, but I think he is freaking out and really not sure what he needs to do.   I feel a little bad since this is making him grow up a lot faster than he might have planned. It is somehow easier for me since I have a job and a really awesome support system.  He has not told his parents yet and only a few friends (and they are not even in a similar situation) so I can only imagine how hard it is PLUS there is the crazy girlfriend (=me)….

Yesterday he said he was feeling really sad, but he did not want to talk about it over Skype chat (fair enough, since we tend to not really understand what the other person means when we do the typing thing), so here I am trying to figure out why he is so sad but I will probably have to wait until tonight when we can talk or maybe even tomorrow depending on when I get home.  That SUCKS.

It is always hard when you know that the other person is not feeling too well, it makes it even tougher when you can’t be there.  Hopefully it will all blow over and he will be back to normal soon!

 

Oh the Interweb

I love the internet I really do, I waste too much time reading blogs, looking at pics, and checking funny websites… I also, even more now than I used to, use it to diagnose myself.

Really not the best idea for me cause I am already freaking out about everything pregnancy related …. Today it is Bubbles’  6th  week (so extremely early) and  for the first time in a wee while I rode my bike to uni.  And now I just read that exercise increases the chance of miscarriage AND women who are not sick also have a higher chance of loosing the pregnancy.. So yeah siting behind my computer at work and slowly freaking out.  Oh and then I also drank lots of green tea at yum cha on saturday.

I really don’t understand how some pregnant women can be so calm, but hope I will be able to do it too!

Another checkup

and all is well… Got the results from my blood tests and all was  good except maybe my Vitamine D levels which are at the lower end of normal.. So more sunshine it is.

Made an appointment with the hospital to meet the midwives and get more info. Because of my insurance, I have what is called “shared care” it means that some appointments are at the hospital and some are with my GP.  I was also told about this “Birth Centre” where you join a group of 4 midwives and while you meet with all of them.  You basically have one who does all the appointments and is there for the birth and a after.  I really like that approach, as long as I get along with the midwife,  since if I have an easy pregnancy there is no need for a doctor..

I also went and got myself a bike, I really really hate public transport and it takes long and is pretty expensive. Now I get my exercise, which makes me feel better and no more putting up with smelly people.

I am still extremely tired and last night was  a particularly bad one. Hopefully tonight will be better!  I miss Y terribly, since we have not really been able to Skype. He is visiting a friend in Marseille. Of course I love it that he is having a great time, but I miss not being able to have a chat before I go to bed.  Jeez I sound awful and it has only been 36 hrs…  I shall blame it on the hormones and me being tired. Plan was to celebrate S’s Bday in the Blue Mountains but the thought of having to be social with people I hardly know until late in the night and then sleep on an air bed is already stressing me out.   I have therefore decided that I will just stay at home and CHILL!!