1 year

It does not feel as great as I thought it would be, probably because we had a crappy night after so many good ones. Every time I get fooled into thinking that we cracked it and Lani will sleep through the night from now on and then SMACK-DOWN from 1.30 AM till 3 AM we are taking turns in trying to settle her.

I do think that our hardest year is yet to come, with Y having to finish his PhD and dealing with family issues.  We have no idea where we will be in 8 months time, my contract is ending and Y will have to look for a post-doc position.

It is only today that I have really started to become worried, moving house/country and job is a lot less easy with a toddler around.  Although she is probably the easiest, closely followed by Y and then after a very long pause there is me.

Going back to Europe for our trip made me realise how much I dont like it. It also made me realise how much Y does and how happy he was to be back.  He has never ever said anything indicating he wants to go back or that he does not like being in Australia but I dont think I have seen him being so relaxed and so himself as he was when he was with the people from the lab.   It has definitely given me something to think about and depending on the job situation, it is probably time for me to just suck it up and embrace Europe if we have to.  I know that the grandparents will be ecstatic.

For now though I need to try and get some data together and finish the work that I started so I can get some new publications.. the gap on my CV is getting bigger and bigger..  I always have every intention to start with my review, but never get much further than that.  Hopefully the doom of being jobless and without a good CV to help me find a new job will give me the motivation I need.






In case

you missed it, because all I can crap on about is being pregnant, I do actually still work…  I have been learning electrophysiology and I am not quite sure why I ever thought it would be fun… Frustrating and depressing yes BUT definitely not fun..  the goal is to record electric currents from a cell.. and while on paper it all is pretty simple and in real life it is simple.. it takes a crazy amount of time to get it all to work. Electrodes fail, cells die, no receptors are expressed etc.. I spent 8 hrs today trying to record something and got NOTHING!   Tomorrow is another day and am hoping it will be better… It has definitely thought me that I am not an electrophysiologist, I just do not have the patience to wait for hours until something finally works or not.

I am hoping that in 2 weeks I will be too busy with behaviour and immunohistochemistry and so I wont have to do any recording anymore.

In not work related news, Y will be here tomorrow!! I am so excited.. just keeping fingers crossed that the volcanic ash clears all the way up!



I have

the best boyfriend ever!  After just one day I realised that not having Y here was not going down too well.  We both knew it would be hard, I just did not think it would be this hard.  I really assumed that being here with my friends would make it all easier. And while  I am not constantly in tears I miss him terribly. He has booked his tickets and will be here in exactly 29 days!!  There are no words to describe how happy it makes me.. YAY!!!!!

I have gotten to know my flatmate a bit better and she is really lovely!  We had dinner on Friday night and see each other most evenings, not for dinner always but just when she gets home.  She is super sporty  and extremely conscious of what she eats (I went for one run and have yet to swim visit gym), which is a little intense sometimes ( or maybe I am just jealous of her motivation to exercise) other than that she seems GREAT.

Work is OK, I just hate the office that I am in.. it is a shared office, and being an only child not something I am used to.. AND I have always pretty spoilt when it comes to office space.. So having to share with 5 other people gets a bit much. Considering moving to my old lab where i will only have to share with 1 other person!!  On the other hand it means having to put up with my old boss…. I know it is totally bullshit to even be bothered about this.. I mean really I have an awesome job and now I am complaining because I am sharing an office…

I hate the

fact that I just went to IKEA and bought the same fucking bed AGAIN for the 3rd time in 6 years.. and not because I broke them, but because I keep moving countries.. and I am never 100% sure if this will be the last time. So I dont really want to spend too much money on furniture.

Had my first 3 hrs at my new job today.. it was OK, mostly filling up papers and trying to get keys. Unfortunately for me, my (shared) office is in a part of the building where access is restricted. You need a swipecard to get in, even worse the toilets are located behind the door with swipe access, so my frequent peeing is really restricted.

I am still having a hard time with not having Y here.. but at least the sleeping has somewhat improved and am hoping that it will get better (0n my new IKEA bed).  I am still hoping that he might just come in June/July…


safe and sound after a very long flight!  It was not too bad actually.. but for the first time ever I am having trouble sleeping (jetlag). It is the first time that I arrived at night in Sydney and I did not like it much at all. It was dark and cold.. Jane came and picked me up and then we went to Maya for a beautiful Indian dinner and were met by L &D, where I am staying.

Before I fell of to sleep I cried ould not believe that I would not be seeing Y until October. I suddenly hated the whole idea of me being here..  I woke up at 3 AM and went went back to sleep from 5-7 …And then went to Uni to say hello to everyone. Seeing the sun shine through the window did make me feel a whole lot better, despite my lack of sleep.

My new boss was not in that day, but my old boss was and it was good seeing him, had a very AWESOME catch up session with Lozzie.  The next night was basically the same.. awake from 3 AM and so very sad.. during the day it is all OK but as soon as I go to bed it really hits me that I am here alone.   I kinda demanded that Y come and visit me before he goes to Canada because I did not think I would be able to cope not seeing him for 5 months, which  he was open to, but he also said it would be rather hard.    After another night of half sleep, I did realise that I was asking a lot, I know it is because I am upset that he is going to Canada instead of spending his holidays here (totally uncalled for, since it was planned before we met).   At the moment I am OK if he does not come. I finally had a full night’s sleep and feel a lot better.. I am looking forward to starting my new job and moving into my new place (but more on that later).

Reading back

through old post, I realise how much I actually CRAP ON about nothing really.. well here is another post that follows this theme exactly..

I am in MUNICH!  I arrived yesterday afternoon and it is FREEZING.  I mean literally freezing. There is even SNOW.  Today and tomorrow I will be in the lab helping out with some experiments, not too sure what is going on next week but hopefully I will be able to spend some time exploring the city and catching up on sleep.

Spent the past 5 days at Y’s place and it was great, but we don’t seem to get more than 4-5 hrs of sleep a night and that is no where near enough for me.  But last night I managed to sleep for 10hrs, so if I can keep this up then I will be fine by the time I get back to France.  And I am hopeful we can find a sleep schedule that works for the both of us.

We discussed a little about what is in our future and while I realise that it is necessary, it is pretty upsetting to me.  It makes me really sad knowing that once I am in Sydney we wont be able to see each other as much/hardly at all.  He is going to Canada for a holiday in august and I am super happy for him but would of course prefer him to come to Sydney instead.  Who knows, I still have no news from Sydney so I might still be in France.. I did email my new boss today just to check if there was any news. And being in Munich has made a little more motivated to actually do some SCIENCE. So have decided to actually start working on a review (one that was planned to be done at the end of my PhD).  I figure it will get me be back acquainted with my GHB work and also updated on the latest research!

On that note, I should start a Pubmed Search

Despite good intentions

I can not stop refreshing different webforums on Marie Curie or the Cordis Website.  I know that there is no way I am getting funded and yet, every 3 minutes seconds I keep hitting the refresh button… It is driving me INSANE .  Yesterday was particularly bad, since suddenly people on the forums were all like.. oh I just got an email.. so from 12.00  until 20.00 that is all I did and then this morning I knew: no news so no money and instead of just moving onto my work I decided I had to check the forums again and of course there was one  person mentioning how he only just received an email….  and I was sucked right back in.  It is crazy, or better I am crazy; the people on the forum’s who received their emails all scored around the 90 (that is almost 10 points higher than my score) . The success rate dropped from 20.4% last year to 17.1% this year…  Anyway to make myself stop looking I sent an email to Peter, my proposed supervisor, thanking him for his help and informing him that I am going back to Sydney and that the emails had been sent out yesterday.  He replied saying that he understood my decision but was still hopeful we were getting funding.  HOW THE FREAK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP ME DO WORK????

I did actually email the HR department at usyd  and the immigration people to ask some visa questions. I just want to make sure that I do all the things that are required (like language test etc.)

OK back to REFRESH button