And then there

was silence.  After the first initial shock and stresses things have started to calm down, I do still freak out on a regular basis.  WHY am I suddenly not tired.. I think I can feel cramping… still no nausea.. BUT other than that it is back to relative normality… Work is good, friends are great and in just 2 weeks Y will be here.

Making the decision to not stress about our plans has been really great.  Now we can just enjoy catching up and laughing instead of being in tears. Of course it is still in the back of my mind but I am really not too worried.  I think that Y, really is though. He does not really say much, but I think he is freaking out and really not sure what he needs to do.   I feel a little bad since this is making him grow up a lot faster than he might have planned. It is somehow easier for me since I have a job and a really awesome support system.  He has not told his parents yet and only a few friends (and they are not even in a similar situation) so I can only imagine how hard it is PLUS there is the crazy girlfriend (=me)….

Yesterday he said he was feeling really sad, but he did not want to talk about it over Skype chat (fair enough, since we tend to not really understand what the other person means when we do the typing thing), so here I am trying to figure out why he is so sad but I will probably have to wait until tonight when we can talk or maybe even tomorrow depending on when I get home.  That SUCKS.

It is always hard when you know that the other person is not feeling too well, it makes it even tougher when you can’t be there.  Hopefully it will all blow over and he will be back to normal soon!



Sometimes you

just find random things on the internet that need to be shared:


I spend a lot of

time browsing the Interweb,  I mean a ridiculous amount of time.  And besides reading my favourite blogs such as and girlsgonechild I also have to check text from last night, passive aggressive notes and damn you autocorrect and about a million more that I find absolutely hilarious.  Recently though I have stumbled onto Tumbler and while I am not quite sure how it works there are some really  beautiful things to be found. Or maybe I just think they are beautiful because of my loved up state of mind.  One of the ones that I really enjoy is the Diarists, but also bluquote and I can read. BEWARE though, they might be a bit sappy.

Letters To My Love #21.

Things here are still great, I did get the email from Aus asking me to apply for my visa, so was a little grumpy for a few days but am OK now.  I have yet to finish my application, because they are asking me for info that was on my old computer and unfortunately for me it is UNREPAIRABLE.  Well they could repair it, but it would cost as much as buying a new one!!  So I decided to buy a new one.  The old one is still at the shop and I am hoping to pick it up today so  I can try and find my old emails.

In 2 days Y and I are going for a visit to Holland, it is a bit hectic with all we want to do in the 5 days that we are there but I am sure that we will manage; We can sleep when we get back!


Reading back

through old post, I realise how much I actually CRAP ON about nothing really.. well here is another post that follows this theme exactly..

I am in MUNICH!  I arrived yesterday afternoon and it is FREEZING.  I mean literally freezing. There is even SNOW.  Today and tomorrow I will be in the lab helping out with some experiments, not too sure what is going on next week but hopefully I will be able to spend some time exploring the city and catching up on sleep.

Spent the past 5 days at Y’s place and it was great, but we don’t seem to get more than 4-5 hrs of sleep a night and that is no where near enough for me.  But last night I managed to sleep for 10hrs, so if I can keep this up then I will be fine by the time I get back to France.  And I am hopeful we can find a sleep schedule that works for the both of us.

We discussed a little about what is in our future and while I realise that it is necessary, it is pretty upsetting to me.  It makes me really sad knowing that once I am in Sydney we wont be able to see each other as much/hardly at all.  He is going to Canada for a holiday in august and I am super happy for him but would of course prefer him to come to Sydney instead.  Who knows, I still have no news from Sydney so I might still be in France.. I did email my new boss today just to check if there was any news. And being in Munich has made a little more motivated to actually do some SCIENCE. So have decided to actually start working on a review (one that was planned to be done at the end of my PhD).  I figure it will get me be back acquainted with my GHB work and also updated on the latest research!

On that note, I should start a Pubmed Search


Yep I am back in Holland with Mum and Dad.. and after having a really lovely 2 last weeks in France it kinda sucks being home.  Although of course I am happy that  I get to spend time with friends here.   Dropped Mum to the airport this morning, she is going to Sydney.. I will have to wait until I hear something from immigration/ HR regarding my visa.

I did speak to my new boss and asked her whether it would be possible for me to go to Denmark (she collaborates with people there) and do some work.. I mean it beats sitting at home. I hope it will work out, I am definitely going to the Max Planck Institute  in Munich at the end of Feb, which I think is going to be AWESOME!!  I will stay for 2 weeks and hope to spend some time checking out the sites, drinking beer and eating sausages (or whatever they eat in Munich) besides helping out with the experiments.  And then ofcourse I want to spend some time in France with Y. It even shocks me to think that I actually want to go back to Tours, obviously not because I love the place. I will def be going back for a weekend to pick up stuff, but Mum will be with me too.  Not that it seems to be a big deal since I have already met Y’s mum so it is only fair that he meets mine. I think Mum is really relieved that I have found someone and especially someone who is doing a PhD (she is a total intellectualist,  if the person that I am seeing has anything less than uni degree they are not worth it, RETARDED I know!) .

For now though I need to fill my days with stuff to do and it is rather hard, I am in two minds whether I should focus on my future job, work on French stuff or just do whatever..

I also stopped smoking since I have been back and it is really really HARD!  Much harder than I thought it would be, but am sticking with it this time!

races, heating and talk

Totally random update, not that other posts are organised, but this one is really random.

Yesterday I completed the half marathon in Tours (YAY for me) AND I managed to do it in 1h48 which is another big YAY! I was really really worried, due to the lack of proper training. I mean Bruno and I had done exactly one 15k run the Monday before the race and I nearly died. Granted it was 5 PM, hot and 5PM (yeah mentioned that twice, since running after 12 PM just seems retarded to me!).  Not too confident at all and the nerves really hit me the morning of the race.. I decided that if I was feeling anything like how I felt on Monday I would just stop.   Picked up Bruno at 10 AM and went up to Jean Jaures where we could leave our bags and get ready. Unlike me he was not at all concerned and had even been out drinking the night before.

The race is basically two laps around the town, pretty boring and it takes you through the ghetto of Tours which I personally think is a great touch!  Not so great, the lack of toilets!!  I mean why would you not place freaking port-a-loo’s along the course?? After about 10 min, I had to wee.. thinking that at the 5 km mark (where there was food and water there would be toilets) but NO! I keep on going sure that there would be toilets at the start/finish of the race.. NO.. I was feeling OK accept for the peeing thing and decided to continue for the second lap..  But the Pee was there and I needed to go badly.. Crossing the start/finish I started looking for a pee stop (car, tree, cafe) luckily there was a cafe that I ran into and where I could use the bathroom.. I had told Bruno to just go since he does run faster than I do  and was staying next to me to keep me company, while I was running faster than I really wanted to not slow him down too much.  After my pee break, I felt way better and managed to keep up the pace and finish in an awesome time if I say so myself!  The shitty thing.. I am classified as a SENIOR.. I mean really?? , it might be French though and everyone over 21 is Senior..

Yesterday I got my heating on, it is such a pleasant surprise after last year, where there was no heat for a pretty long time (granted, it was probably cause I did not turn the heaters on) this time I never turned them off so when the main thing started yesterday I suddenly did not need to use my laptop and oven  as a heat sources anymore.  It is a bit of crazy system (no real control over your own heating) On the other hand, I am not paying the costs either.  At Uni there is no central heating yet, so I am freezing my arse off atm.

Next friday I have to present my data at a meeting in Bordeaux.  I like giving presentations, of course I get a little nervous but I usually ease into it while I am talking. This time I am seriously a bit worried since it is really the first time I am talking to people who actually know what I am talking about. It is a neurogenesis meeting, and I am presenting neurogenesis data…. I just hope that I dont get too many questions that I can not answer..  Oh and in related news, my experiment that I thought was working, I actually think it has failed, meaning that I now have hardly any data to present.  (I totally gave up on Thursday after  I went to the microscope… I  decided to leave and went home and watched crappy reality shows instead).

Have not applied for any other jobs yet, nothing has really come up. I am STILL waiting on the French Fellowship it is nearly 2 weeks past the original date now.  I doubt we got it though, but it would be nice to get some news!   The exciting thing: 4 more weeks and I will have my holidays.  And who knows, maybe even a job in Sydney!

I think that is most of the news I needed to share……..

Random encounters and an outcome

Getting to Swiss land was a bit of a problem ( I had a 3 hr delay) so when I spoke to Fleur I asked her about the train times and she mentioned the different possibilities.  Seeing as the train trip takes 1hr I knew it was going to be a late one.  Which was OK for me, but not so cool for Fleur as she had to work the next morning. Luckily her parents were more than willing to pick me up if I was arriving around 1 AM. We finally boarded but I was not convinced I was going to make the 22.47 train. When we landed I had made the decision, that if I missed the train I was going to stay at a hotel at the airport since spending another hour waiting was just too much.  As I get off I realise I have 10 minutes from gate to station and  I decide to just run for it. Fleur told me the platform and I knew it was the nearest to the entrance of the station.  So I run and when I get to the station I have 2 min left, I had already bought my ticket online, nearly at the platform I decide to take the escalator and veer to the right, at the same time a guy running next to me decides that he wants to take the stairs and he veers to left,  he collides with my bag and I just say SORRY and keep on running not wanting to miss the train. We both get there right on time and while I am puffing near the doors he also apologizes and goes up into the carriage.   Once I catch my breath I too head to the carriage, helping a Spanish girl with her massive suitcase.  We bump into the dude and we all sit together keeping our fingers crossed that the train we are on is actually going to take us to where we want to go.   We chat a little and keep our eyes out for the train people so we can actually ask them which stops the train will be making.   I have the last stop so wave goodbye to both the Chicka and the Dude in Lausanne.

Coming back I am at the airport in Paris waiting for the bust to take me to Montparnasse and guess who is standing next to me inline: the Dude..  And now we are getting married.. Nah, he was not really my type, but I did think it was pretty funny that we bumped into each other again! He actually is French, studying to be Physiotherapist and wants to move to NZ when he is done (still no name though!).

And now for the outcome:  YES  i got the JOB and I said NO!   A few hours after my last post I got an email saying that I had the job.  It sucked cause I really did not want it and then I feel bad that I have been offered it and feel guilty.. (CRAZY, I know).   So spoke to Fleur and to my mum and then emailed the PI inquiring about behavioural testing and when she was very honest and said, that I would not be able to pursue my research interests I said that I would not accept the offer.. . I think Lausanne is great, very international, beautiful and I have my dearest friend living there, but I know what I want from my next job and this was definitely not it.   And now I am still waiting on fellowship outcome for France (which will give some breathing room to find the “perfect” job) and of course looking so very forward to my Holiday!!!