14 and 15 Months

Yep once again I missed a monthversary, even worse, the last time your dad or I took a picture of you is ages ago.. Who would a thought the novelty of having a child would wear off so quickly.. Grand parents are not happy since they love seeing pictures of you.  The thing is Lani, you are so much fun to hang out with that I’d rather spend the time interacting with you than taking pictures.

Miss Lani, you have grown up so much over the past weeks!! You  understand heaps, when we ask you to do stuff you just do it.  And to top it all off, you are sleeping till 6.30 AM!!!! There are words: Bubbles, Bye bye, truck, daddy, duck and dog and maybe some more but your pronunciation is not always very clear.  It is just lovely to hear you chat away.  You like taking my hand and showing me things. You will grab a book and crawl into my lap so we can read it together.  You like to go on walks in the morning to look at the trains and the diggers outside of our house.

You have discovered the joys of the ipad and some silly app we downloaded called Talking Tom and his girlfriend Angela. We are trying to limit your access but sometimes it is easier to just give in, plus it is amazing to see how quickly you figured out how to unlock the ipad and find the app you want. You ask for a song by sticking your hands in the air, like twinkle twinkle little star. You do yoga poses and clap your hands when you finish.  We found you a little truck that you can sit on and push and you love it.

I am amazed at your ability to communicate by using signs and pointing at things.  You are extremely stubborn and strong willed, which is both admirable and frustrating at the same time.  You know exactly what you want and have already started to cry when we dont give in (see ipad story above).

I dropped you off to school for the first time in months, something your dad normally does. And it was so great to see you so excited. As  soon as the front door opened you ran inside to your room and to the back to play with toys. It is nice to know that you fit right in and are happy to be there.

You have become friends with our neighbour Angus, and you and he actually get along pretty well. There is still some pushing and sharing can be a problem, but in general you are very happy to see him.

As for milestones, your walk has turned into a run and I am hoping that pretty soon there will be an explosion of words, MUM being the next!

All my love always,


8 months

Dear Lani,

8 Months already!!   Pretty proud of your dad and myself for making it this far without doing too much damage.  Just a few days before your 8th month you decided to crawl, not very far and your technique is interesting to say the least, but you are crawling. And on the same day you also showed me that you can walk.  You held on to the bed and did two steps to get to Hippolite (I have probably misspelt this) but it is your toy horse.  Your dad comes up with the most of the names of all your toys.

Still waiting on your teeth but it definitely does not stop you from biting and eating everything. Flavour of the month is seeds that you find in the garden, they are too hard to chew so you just stuff them in your cheek for your dad and I to pull out when we realise what you are eating.

And we finally have a decision from your dad, he has decided to stay which has made me happy beyond belief. I know that you have no idea what is/was happening but in the past 1.5 yr things have been pretty unstable in our lives. Once we found out we were having you we had to decide where we were going to live and then after you were born the question still always was.. what now. You will find that your dad and I are both pretty good at putting our heads in the sand and that your dad really takes his time in making decisions, considering that these are pretty massive decisions to make it is totally understandable.  Anyway while you have been pretty oblivious to what was going on I do think that us being together as a family is the best thing for you!  For now I am still at home for 2 days and dad for 1, but by the end of this year we hope that you can go to day care 3 days a week and your dad and I will both be home for 1 day each.   But that is still a while a way.  For now I am so excited that you are becoming mobile since there is whole new world ready for you to explore!

All my love always,



6 Weeks

Today is the magic 6 week mark…. This is what we all have been counting down to. Once the baby is 6 weeks it all becomes easier, except that now everyone tells me that it is 12 weeks when it really becomes easier and I am pretty sure that when we are nearing the 12 week mark it will be 6 months and so fort until it is: don’t worry once she turns 36 it will all be fine.”

Things are good we really are blessed with a wonderful happy baby.  And I really can not complain! She is sleeping, eating and smiling like a trooper.. And of course she cries but these cries are really limited to when she is pooping in her sleep (don’t ask) and when she is over tired in the evening.

I am enjoying my new life more and more, although I still miss work and the lab and the people and the social life that goes with it. I have found a new social life which consists of coffee’s and lunches in the park and hanging out with other mums and talking about boobs and milk and poos and sleeps.

Really though, the mother’s group, is a great thing and hearing the horror stories of child birth/ not sleeping/ not gaining weight/  puts everything in perspective.  Little L is the fattest in her age group.. with all the other 5-6 weeks old weighing around 3.6 kg and she is about 4.4!!! I sometimes feel a bit guilty about having an easy baby, no problems with breastfeeding and a very supportive husband.  Maybe we will have our real problems when L becomes a teenager..



nearly 2 weeks

and we are still all here!  Motherhood has been a lot harder than I ever expected.  The first few days were awesome but then I started feeling extremely anxious and insecure, doubting everything I was doing..was she eating enough? Do I offer 1 or 2 boobs?  Is she cold/hot?  I was crying every 10 minutes and not being able to sleep during the day (when everyone says you have to sleep when the baby sleeps). It sucked!  I felt bad because Y did not only have to deal with everything around the house  he also had a crying wife to console. I was thinking I was sinking into depression and that would make me even more anxious.   A  lot of the anxiousness was a result of sleep deprivation and then suddenly after a few days of constant butterflies in my belly I felt relaxed… I have no idea what happened (hormones most likely) but I finally felt that I could breath again.  And while I still sometimes wonder if we are doing everything the way we should, as long as L is looking healthy and alert I figure we are on the right track.

I am still finding my feet though and some days are better than others, I can still burst out in tears when I hear a song or when I am  thinking about L or when she is crying and we do not know how to console her.  I am coping much better with the sleep deprivation and some nights are actually pretty awesome, when she only wakes up once and then there was the night from hell where she just fussed and cried for 4 hrs (but we survived and it made the next night so much sweeter!).

Y is amazing both as a dad and as a partner and I have no idea how I would have coped without him.  Unlike me he is way more relaxed with L.  I guess most dads are.

I remember telling my friends here how in Holland women after having a baby just get on with it, while in Australia we are scared into thinking that it is not possible to have a shower in the first six weeks after having a baby and how I thought that it was bullshit.

I would like to eat my words now.

Yes, I manage to have a shower but that is about it!  Getting out of the house is a little daunting, we managed to leave a few times to go for lunch/ ice cream and doctor. Next week I am going to try to go and have a coffee. Y will be back at work, so to get some adult interaction I will have to leave the house.

The things that  helped me most getting through these 2 weeks is receiving a daily email from A  telling me that everything  is OK and that things do get better. Is being able to call L and hear that she too felt anxious, is asking for advice from other mothers online and realising that I am not alone and getting hugs and kisses from Y whenever we have a moment (which is not very often!).

So we survived the first 2 weeks and next week is going to be a whole new chapter where for 3 days it will be just me and L, but I am confident that we can make it work (maybe no shower though!)